A trip from sanity
by Prussia-sama
Summary: "The list of bodies went on and on; the list of lives I'd destroyed, of families I'd torn apart, of loves I'd shattered." I worked damn hard on this story, so I expect reviews. Yes, there is death. THOU HATH BEEN WARNED!


**Alfred**

I'm not sure what made me love him. Maybe it was his innocence (if you could call it that). Maybe it was his kindness (if you could call it that). Or maybe it was his eyes. Yeah, I think that's it, his strange violet eyes that draw you in like a fishing lure. They pierced my heart the very first time I saw them.

But how was I supposed to know that those eyes would be my end?

* * *

**Ivan**

Love: a fickle excuse for an alliance. An excuse I've used more than once. Never did I mean it.

Until I met Alfred.

His cocky attitude caught my attention and all but destroyed my will.

I wasn't ready for the pain of loss he'd make me feel.

* * *

**Alfred**

"Alfred!"

"Nngh. What?" I grumbled, waking up from a rather refreshing nap.

Arthur glared down at me, "You were snoring."

"And that's odd…how?"

"Look around, idiot," He hissed.

I did, and noticed something I hadn't at other meetings:

Out of the hundred something odd countries that usually show up, only a few of us were left: Arthur, Francis, Matthew, Vash (uhh…wtf?), and the Far East Asians, and me.

"We're at a meeting, "I stated, not saying what I'd noticed, "Your point?"

He rolled his eyes, "The point is, idiot, that we need to address these disappearances before it's too late."

Vash looked at his papers, "It's already too late," He stated, more than a little upset.

I glanced at my brother and understood what Vash meant. His sister was among the missing, as was Rodrich. Why Arthur didn't think the same way, considering all of his brothers were missing, I'm not sure.

"I agree, Vash-san," Kiku said, "Once one country goes missing, it's too late."

Arthur looked away, "Well, whatever. We still need to act. We need to find out who's causing this and stop them."

I slammed my fist onto the table, "Dammit, Arthur, listen to what you're saying!"

"Why the hell are you talking?" He retorted, "I KNOW what I'm saying!"

I stood, my chair clattering to the floor, "We don't have any leads! You can't go around asking 'Hey, have you seen so-and-so because they haven't been showing up'! It doesn't work that way!"

"And how would you-"

"I've tried it already!"

The room fell silent as tears started falling down my face.

"When?" Matthew asked.

I glanced at him, "After Lani and Allen disappeared. I went door-to-door looking for them, sent out Amber Alerts, APBs, all of it," I shook my head, "Nothing, not even a trace."

Arthur bit his lip, "I-I'm sorry, Alfred."

I nodded as I picked up my chair and sat down.

Vash and I locked eyes. We'd both been hit hard by these disappearances. We'd both lost people we cared about…

Cared about…

Ah-hah!

I knew whom I had to visit, and it wouldn't be pleasant.

Ivan.

I stood and walked to the door.

"Where are you going?" Arthur hissed.

"None of your business,' I snapped back, "But if any of you'd like to follow me, go ahead. I'm gonna need help where I'm going anyway."

Vash stood up, "I'll go."

I smiled, "Sounds good. Now, let's go!"

* * *

**Ivan**

"When're you gonna let us go?"

I grinned, "Later. Until then, you get comfy, okay?"

The girl, America's youngest child, curled into her big brother's arms, "I asked you when," she hissed.

"And I said later," I replied, turning on my heel and leaving the room.

As I walked down the hall, I passed once occupied rooms a-plenty. My grin widened as I passed each one and though about their previous inhabitants: a pair of redheads and a blonde, all brothers; a blonde girl clinging to a taller Austrian; a cluster of Scandinavians; a pair of Germans; a pair of Italians and a Spaniard; and a Hungarian hiding behind a Pole. Respectively.

Pitiful sights, all of them.

So they all had to go.

Like old pets.

The latest additions to my collection, Seychelles and these two states, all shared a room. When I walked in, the former was asleep. The nosy girl and the little traitor were reading a cheeky little story.

The girl was going to be the first state to go.

"Big brother, what's the matter?"

I smiled down at her, "Nothing Natalia. Just thinking."

She shrugged and walked away.

I smiled after her. 'She won't die. I'll protect her.'

I checked the list on the wall by the kitchen door, "Oh dear. I guess it's time to weed us down again," I said chuckling and crossing off some names:

Greece, Turkey, Egypt, Cuba, Bulgaria, Belgium, Portugal, Australia.

"Ah. I love reducing the captives!"

* * *

**Alfred**

"Um. Where are we going?"

I glanced at Vash out of the corner of my eye, "A possible suspect's house."

"Who?" He muttered.

"Ivan."

He flinched, "Are you insane?"

"No, quite sane actually," I replied, "Considering how quietly people are vanishing, he's the only person who'd make sense."

He thought for a moment, "That does make sense. With you as their father, I guess it'd be pretty difficult to kidnap one of your states, huh?"

We both jumped as my phone went off.

"Heh-heh. Let me get this," I muttered. I flipped open my phone. Huh? Daniel? "What's up?"

"Hey have you heard from George, Alec, or Isabella?" He mumbled.

I almost dropped the cell, "No, why?"

He hesitated, "'Cuz they-"

"Disappeared?"

"…Yeah."

My heart stopped. 'No. He's picking me off west to east!' "I'll…I've got to go. I love you."

"Love ya too, dad."

Then I hung up.

"No. God, no."

Vash touched my back, "Who?"

I shook my head, "My entire west coast. Why? WHY?"

My phone went off again. Matt.

"WHERE'S MY BABY?" He sobbed.

"What?" I asked.

"BC! WHERE IS SHE?"

"I don't even know where 5 of MY kids are! How am I supposed to know where one of yours is?"

"Oh my God. Three more?"

"Yeah."

"…I'll let you go then."

Then he was gone.

"What happened?" Vash asked.

I glanced at my car.

"Aggravation."

* * *

**Ivan**

I smirked at the newcomers, 3 of who would room with their siblings; the rest would be with Seychelles.

"Are you crazy?" One of the tree new states spat.

"Actually no," I replied, "The more of you I have, the more likely that your father will come to me willingly."

"I wonder if THIS was where he was going."

I glared at the Chinese boy, "Who?"

He grinned (so much like England, this one), "None ya."

I grinned sweetly and grabbed his head in my hands, "Who?"

"None ya."

I went rigid, "Last chance, who?"

He stuck his tongue out at me, "None ya."

To me, the snap of his neck was wonderful, the limp form that collapsed under its own weight was beautiful, and the resulting pandemonium was musical.

"HONG-KONG!" One of the girls, one of Canada's, shrieked.

"Quick and painless," I said softly, "A luxury one can't afford. One, I'm afraid, he didn't deserve."

Canada's daughter stared at me, "Wha-why?"

Another of America's sons touched her arm, "Just relax, okay?"

I nodded, "Keep your head and you'll meet a quick end."

* * *

**Yao**

"GYAAAHH!" I screamed.

Kiku grabbed me, "What? What's wrong?"

"H-Hong-Kong…h-he's…"

He blinked, "What?"

I looked at him, then at the rest of the people in the conference room, tears soaking my face.

"H-he's…dead."

* * *

**Alfred**

"He's WHAT?"

"He's dead, Alfred!" Arthur sobbed.

"…Got to go."

BEEP.

"You know, you shouldn't be talki-"

"I know!" I snapped, "But desperate times call for desperate measures."

Vash nodded.

* * *

**Kiku**

"I've got to go."

We all looked at Francis. "What do you mean?" I asked.

"I've got to go to the bathroom," He said, walking to the door.

"I'm going with you," Matthew said, following.

Arthur glanced at them and muttered, "Be safe."

They didn't come back.

* * *

**Ivan**

"Ufufufufufu~! I'm so glad I have new pets!" I cheered at the pair. They'd move in with the providence; Seychelles was the next to go anyway.

"W-why?" The younger whimpered.

I grinned. "Why what, pet?"

"He's not your pet," the Frenchman snapped, "And why are we here?"

"Don't be nosy, if you know what's good for you," I said, glaring at him.

"Or what?"

My grin widened as I looked at Natalia, who nodded and left.

"Or else I will do to you what I do to the others who annoy or bore me," I said, looking at the pesky Frenchman.

"Let me go! AUGH! When I get my hands on y-Francis?"

I didn't move, but I wanted to…

"S-Sey…" The elder blonde squeaked.

I met Natalia's eyes and nodded.

The brunette flinched, then relaxed in my sister's arms. In my sister's grip was a dart, coated in a thin layer of blood and poison.

"Good job, dear," I said, "You may go."

She nodded and dragged the body from my office, closing the door behind her.

The blonde stared after her. "S-Seychelles? N-NO!" He screamed, "SEYCHELLES!"

I almost groaned, but then I remembered.

He wasn't necessary.

A pest.

I leaned a matter of centimeters from his ears and whispered, "Maybe I should take you out of your misery, da?"

* * *

**Alfred**

I had a strange feeling in the pit of my stomach as we passed yet another car on the highway, like at any second…

I jumped as my phone rang.

Vash grabbed it and answered, "Hello? …No, this is Vash. …Your father is busy. …Wait, WHO? …Oh-no."

With a click, he hung up on whoever it was that had called.

"What happened?" I hissed.

He took a deep breath. "Carmen, Ricardo, and Darren are missing," He said softly.

I ground my teeth. How had I-

A sudden, ripping pain hit me.

"L-Lani?"

Vash looked at me. "Get off the-"

"No!"

"NOW, Alfred. Get the HELL off the highway!"

I pulled onto the shoulder and stopped.

"What's wrong?"

I rested my head on the steering wheel and sobbed, "M-my b-baby. W-why?"

"What. Is. Wrong," Vash insisted.

I looked up at him. "M-my b-baby. Sh-she's…she's dead, Vash."

* * *

**Ivan**

I ran my tongue along the edge of my knife, enjoying the taste of blood there. This one had been fun; She'd fought until the end. Sure it was messy, but at least I'd been entertained.

"One down, 49 to go."

* * *

**Matthew**

"Papa, I'm scared."

I glanced at my daughter. "I know," I said, rubbing her back. In truth, I did know her fear.

"I know."

* * *

**Allen**

It hurt.

Everything.

"You okay?" Alec asked.

_FWACK_!

"Eres un idiota , hermano!" Carmen hissed.

Isabella bit her lip, "You did feel that, right Alec?"

He was silent.

"Right?"

He sighed. "No."

I blinked. "What?"

"I didn't feel anything!" He snapped.

Darren and Ricardo held Carmen away from Alec, if barely. "¡Idiota! Lani died and you don't care!" She shrieked.

"Of course I care!" Alec replied, "I just didn't feel what you all did!"

"Shut up!"

Everyone looked at me.

"Just shut up, all of you!" I hissed, "What's done is done. We have to protect ourselves now, got it?"

I sure sounded braver than I felt.

* * *

**Arthur**

Dammit. Why am I here? Is Peter…or…

"YAY! Isn't big sister efficient?" Ivan sang, hugging Katyusha.

"Thank you!" She replied.

Then he looked serious. "But, already I'm bored with you."

I felt cold metal press against my temple and heard the soft 'click' of a hammer.

"You wouldn't."

He chuckled. "I did it to your pitiful brothers, so, yes, I will."

I didn't feel any pain and no sound reached my ears.

Huh. I guess a Russian death CAN be quick.

* * *

**Yong-Soo**

"I'm bored!"

Yao smacked me. "Shush."

I pouted. "Well I'm sorry that I'm bored."

"I wonder where Arthur-san is?"

I looked at the sibling that had spoken. "He said he'd be right back, didn't he?"

Kiku nodded and looked at the door.

"I hope you're right."

* * *

**Alfred**

I stared at the house of the man I both loved and hated, the one who may have killed my daughter.

"Wow, it seems empty."

"I guess so," I said getting out of the car and slamming the door shut.

Vash climbed out and followed me to the door, a pout on his face.

I barely resisted a sense of nostalgia as I hunted for the spare key he always left for me. AH! Found it!

I opened the door to an unusually quiet house. Of course, that'd mean we'd have to be quiet as well.

There was an odd feeling in the air, a feeling of fear, death, and pain.

It scared me.

"Ivan?" I called, "Ya here?"

Silence.

I had a feeling in the pit of my stomach that something bad was about to happen.

Why didn't I listen?

* * *

**Ivan**

"Ivan? Ya here?"

A dark grin spread across my face as I opened the door to the states' room. My eyes easily met Allen's.

"Come with me," I ordered.

He glanced at his siblings, and then followed me.

Alfred's voice whispered through the house again, "Ivan?"

"Dad?" Allen muttered.

"Down here, Alfred," I called.

2 sets of footsteps ran down the stairs, revealing Alfred and a Swiss pest.

A target.

Alfred and I locked eyes for a moment before he realized Allen's presence.

"Allen?"

Before there could be any reaction from the boy, I rested a pocketknife against his neck.

"Tsk, tsk," I said.

"Don't you dare hurt him," Alfred hissed.

I smiled sweetly. "Don't worry. I won't."

* * *

**Alfred**

"Don't worry. I won't."

I wasn't sure whether or not to believe him…

Wait a sec.

Why was he holding-?

Oh. Shit.

He wasn't going to hurt my son; he was going to kill Vash!

* * *

**Ivan**

I was sure, based on Alfred's face, that he'd realized my plan.

Switzerland hadn't.

In a flash of movement, I drew the gun I always had on me and fired.

It was a direct hit…

…But I didn't hit Switzerland.

I'd hit Alfred.

* * *

**Alfred**

I don't know why I did it, but I don't think-

Ah. That's it.

I didn't think.

I saw Ivan move and reacted by stepping in front of Vash.

A shock of pain, a heartbeat, and then nothing.

As death dragged me into its cold abyss, I finally felt like the hero I'd always claimed to be.

* * *

**Vash**

It all happened in a flash. One second, Ivan was threatening Alfred's son's life; the next, he took Alfred's. He'd been aiming for me, I think, but Alfred saved my life.

'…_hero! I'm the hero!'_

* * *

**Ivan**

Something in my mind snapped.

'Wha-

'What did I just do?

'What. Have. I. Done?'

"DAAAD!" Allen screamed. He pushed my numb arm aside and rushed to his "father's" body.

xXx

"_You know I love you, right?"_

_I nodded. "Yeah, why?"_

_Alfred took my hand. "I want to ask you something."_

"_What?"_

"_When the time comes, I want to die by your hands. 'Kay?"_

_I nodded again, not really believing what he was saying._

"_Promise me, Ivan. When the time comes, will you kill me?"_

_I sighed. "I promise. I love you, Alfred."_

_He smiled. "I love you too."_

xXx

I collapsed against the wall, completely numb.

I'd just killed the only person I'd ever loved.

No.

No!

NO!

"Alfred!" I wailed, tears pouring down my cheeks. My entire body shook as reality sank in.

Arthur…

Lani…

Francis…

The list of bodies went on and on; the list of lives I'd destroyed, of families I'd torn apart, of loves I'd shattered.

"Alfred," I sobbed, "I'm sorry."

I glanced at his lifeless form.

'I kept my promise, Alfred.

'I'm so sorry.

'I love you.'

* * *

This story takes place over several months in both Russia and somewhere in Western Europe, so when Ivan says that his big sister was efficient, she took a few hours to get from the conference building to his house with extra time to capture Arthur.

States and Providence

*Lani-Hawaii

*Allen-Alaska

*Carmen-Arizona

*Darren-Nevada

*George-Washington (totally on purpose!)

*Ricardo-New Mexico

*Alec-California

*Isabella-Oregon

*Daniel-Delaware

*BC-British Colombia

**Translations:**

~ Eres un idiota , hermano!- You're an idiot, brother!

~¡Idiota!-Idiot!

**A note on names:**

Where most of the other characters call each other by their human names, Ivan calls most of the countries (and states/providence) by either their country name or the term for a citizen (i.e. Swiss pest), or by no name at all, as a way to separate himself from his captives. I gave him this trait to separate him from reality and to define his relationship with Alfred and Allen. After he returns to his senses, he calls England, Hawaii, and France by their human names. This I did to establish his reconnection to reality.

Please understand my oddness.

PLEASE REVIEW!


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